Have you ever had the feeling that someone was going to die? Like your husband?
I've had that feeling since August. At first I would think about the funeral and talking to my kids teachers. I was so very worried.
When Brian travels he always lets me know when his flight is taking off, when he lands, and when he arrives at his hotel. We talk every night sometimes during the day. During the Fall I was always watching the clock when he traveled waiting to hear from him. By mid November I didn't think about it much.
Today it has been all consuming, almost debilitating. As soon as I started to stir at 5:20 this morning this has been in my thoughts, if not my only thought. I've thought about how I would tell his mom. How I would tell each of our kids separately. What exactly he would be wearing for the funeral. (Isn't this morbid?)
Our Neighborhood Patrol Officer is a friend of ours, I pictured him coming to my door to tell me there had been an accident. By 8:30 I was finally able to get control of my emotions, which was a good thing. I had a number of things going on this morning that I needed to be in control.
I've called Brian a couple of times this morning to tell him to be safe...and that I love him. I'm sure he thinks I'm losing my mind.
He called at noon to check in with his insane wife.
Have you ever thought about this? Am I losing my mind?
2 hours ago